Friday, 8 June 2012

Where to Begin?

I have written a bit of a blog before  but then I think I don't want to do this and delete it.I also think that people don't want to read about my life. But I do want to keep an online diary so I thought I would start again.
The reason that I want a blog is because I suffer depression and think it might be good for me to put things down on a virtual paper. I have so many things that I feel guilty about that it keeps going over ad over in my head. but if I tell a bit now and just see how we go, maybe things will get better for me.

I was a drinker, or alcoholic. I haven't drank for a good few years now and I am pleased about that. I lost my husband of thirty years, six years ago, but I didn't hit the bottle. I have been lucky really as I don't have any notion of drinking. My family say they are very proud of me but it hasn't been at all hard for me. I do think of having a drink sometimes bt it is nothing like the urges I used to get so I don't have a fight with myself about it. Feel a bit of a fraud about it :)

Before I married John, I was married before. I got married ten days before my seventeenth birthday and did so because I was pregnant. It was back in the seventy's and was the done thing. I ended up with two sons but we split up and I lost the boys to his family. I will go into more details later.

Then John and I had a daughter but after she was nine months old and through bad circumstances we put her into care. Eventually she was adopted and the reason we didn't get her back is a long story so I will leave that to later also.

So, because of these circumstances, I drank. I also have suffered from their lose and my guilt about losing them all my adult life. I got to meet them all at some time but things didn't go well. For our daughter she knew we drank so that is something she hasn't for given us for. So I have some life stories to put here.

I have slept on the streets and in grotty rooms. I had no family support from a very oung age so the drink became my friend.